The Four Seasons of Depression

autumn

Photo: Vincent Brassinne on Flickr

 

Spring: The Denial

It all started in spring. Spring is a time for new beginnings, starting anew while impatiently waiting for summer.

For me, it was the beginning of hell.

But I didn’t think that way then. I’m a strong person, I’ve been through a lot. There’s no way a mere depression is going to win me over. I’m going to fight back and you’ll see, I’ll be back to normal in time for summer. See these new flowers just waiting for the sun to bloom? That’s me.

Summer: The Acceptance

As summer comes, everyone gets happy and start to go out more, do more activities. Events are going on, patios are open and people show off their nice summer clothes.

That’s when I started to realize that I wasn’t getting any better. That it might actually take a while to get better. I realized that the battle would be harder than I thought. I reluctantly accepted this as a fact and kept going on.

Autumn: The Fight

The trees might be fighting hard, but in the end they will lose all their leaves.

So I started to fight harder. I kept seeing the doctor, trying medications, and began exercising daily. But the malicious thought that I might be fighting for nothing was coming to my mind more and more often. Still, I fought.

Winter: The Hopelessness 

Winters are long and tough here in Canada, and every year, everyone is wondering if it’s going to finally come to an end.

I think winter has started for me. The will to fight has weakened so much, I feel it might disappear anytime. I forgot who I was before depression hit me. I forgot what it’s like to enjoy something or to smile genuinely. There are many days when I want to give up this fight. My strength is gone. There’s nothing left of my goals and hope.

What’s Next?

I honestly don’t know. Somewhere deep inside, I still have this small hope that the next season will be the one of healing.

What are your own four seasons? I’d love to hear your stories.

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